November 30, 2007

I couldn't find the words

It amazes me to see the things that wear me down.
I don't feel like that was a coherent sentence, but you'll understand.
I understand being tired because of physical activities. It makes sense. Your body does work, your body gets tired, but it always amazes me when I'm physically worn down by emotional matters. I wonder what it is in our bodies that makes emotional stress break down our physical energy (or mine, at least).

I got a phone call today from one of the last people I would expect one from. She called me to tell me she was thinking of me and so was her family. She called to ask me to clear some recent events up for her. She called just to say she loved me. And by the end of the conversation I had cried for several different reasons: I cried out of frustration and the loss of a friend. I cried over the fact that I'd been lied to and could have made efforts to reconnect earlier. I cried out of extreme, intense relief. I don't believe there is another feeling like being told someone loves you when you'd previously been told they hated you. I cried over the irony of the situation.

I got that phone call at 2:35 this afternoon. It's 7:48 and I am exhausted and it's because of that. The emotion that really has me physically drained is that relief. It's the type of relief that makes me hold my breath for a minute to make sure I heard right. The type that makes you cover your face and feel physically grateful for it. The type that comes along with a strong sense of being loved again. Anyways, I don't know much about how our bodies work and what connects our physical strength to our emotions, but I'd like to figure it out.

I felt like this was important for some reason.
Sorry if you read through it and realized there's no real point and I did the annoying "this is what happened to me today" post.

P.S. if you want to understand everything I feel about music and how much weight it has to me, go freaking see August Rush. If I could play music like that, I'd never stop.

1 comment:

Michael said...

I enjoy reading your blog, Kelly, but please change the font or background color. I feel like I am going to go blind reading the light gray/blue on the white background.