the last one, i swear

The best time to remember all you’ve been blessed with is the time when you’re aware of everything that’s been taken away from you.

I apologize for the fact that my blogs are insanely redundant. Unfortunately, I can’t let go of a situation until I get it worked out in my head. My usual way of working this out is talking about it a lot. This is the same thing. Okay. I have amazing friends. You already knew that. But no amount of amazing new friends is going to replace the fact that this year I’ve lost a lot of friends. I notice this especially when I come home. I used to come home to see Javy. After that, I came home to see my friends from church. After that, I came home because I had to for the summer. Now I go home only when I absolutely have to (like right now on Thanksgiving break). Honestly, sometimes it’s hard for me to come home.

I knew that having everyone split up and go to college would be hard, but some of my friendships have stayed strong. For example, I hung out with three of my best friends from high school while I was home this week: Merkel, Ryan and Bryan. These people are my best friends, and they make my life. They amaze me. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other, our friendships pick right back up where they left off. Unfortunately, aside from those three and maybe a couple others, my friendships around here are gone. No one makes an effort. No one responds to efforts made. What do you do? What do you do when you used to have to struggle to make time to hang out with your friends, and now you can’t find friends to hang out with?

I’m sorry. Really it applies to anything: what do you do when you used to have much, and now you’re left with just a little. When you never had to worry about how much money you had, and now it feels like you have none. When you used to feel like you had all the time in the world, and now you’re stressed out because there’s not enough time to do anything. You remember everything you still have, and you remember that you don’t even deserve that much.

[I'm done with the friendship and love topics, I PROMISE]