Just Pray.

My friend Kathryn wrote me a letter one time (by the way, as a college student with a typically empty mailbox, letters are the way to my heart) in which she talked about how she was going through a period where she just didn't want to be around people. Kat is a people person, so this was a big thing. She felt like maybe by her feeling that way that God was calling to her and saying, "Look, I just want you to want Me and want to be near Me." And lately, I feel like it's not that I don't want to be around people, but I feel like the people closest to me are not as close as they were a month or so ago.
After my Sunday night meltdown, I made a list of things I wanted to change. It broke into 3 parts:
1. Things I can change,
2. Things that only God can change, and
3. Things that I'm already doing well that should continue (because it doesn't make sense to get down about things that should change without having some encouragement in there).
When I told Bradelyn about my list, she told me several times to just take it one step at a time. I kind of brushed it off, but a couple days ago I realized she is completely right. A big list is overwhelming, but taking things one step at a time is doable.

So with three things in mind (the idea of one step at a time, the loss of true closeness with most of my friends, and my trusty journal that helps me see where I've been so I can focus on where I need to go), I'm working on pulling a Nehemiah. When Nehemiah heard that his city and his people's integrity was in ruins, he wept and he prayed. When Artaxerxes began to talk to Nehemiah about what he wanted, he prayed. When his enemies tried to trick and defeat him, he prayed. Good, bad, ugly: he prayed.
I have a tendency to go to people before God when I have a problem. I want to make a new foundation. So my thinking is that the closeness I have with certain people is being weakened because I've been relying on them far too much. I can say that God comes first, but until I start living that, nothing will change. So step one, essentially, is to pray. Through the good, the bad, the ugly: pray.