i want to burn out bright

i am intensely in love with the position i am in right now.

God is calling me to big things.
i'm screwing it up so badly.
i am horrible. really.

He has called me to take a year of my life, and refocus. to rebuild with Him. to make my walls strong. to become a woman worthy of being pursued.
and it is going to be awesome.
and i honestly believe that on september 3, 2008, i will be a different, better person than i am today. and i believe it's going to be hard. and i believe i've already made things hard for myself. i've already made mistakes. and it's only been a month. it's ridiculous. but God forgives and we move on and i keep growing.

tonight, i got it, for some reason. i'm not sure if it was Pulse, or spending the weekend with PHENOMENAL, amazing, wonderful people, or just spending a lot of time this weekend serving Christ, or what. but tonight it hit me that i am meant for so much more than what i'm giving myself. and that things are hard, but are really easy,too. that i can and will be pure; in thoughts, words and actions. that i will NEVER be righteous, but i can try. and i will try.

i am better than this.
and i am incredibly excited to see what God has in store for the next 11 months (and beyond) of my life.